Etiquette

Although life is more informal nowadays, there is still a lot of etiquette attached to weddings – the more formal the wedding, the more rules to be observed. However nothing is set in stone and you can adapt the traditional roles to your own needs. Traditionally, the main players are the bride and groom, the bride’s parents, the best man, the chief bridesmaid and the ushers. Their roles are as follows: -

1. Bride – you need to set a date with the groom and work out your budget. You choose your attendants and are responsible for organising outfits for all of you and for deciding on colour schemes. On the day, your job is to look divine – enjoy it!
2. Groom – You set the date with your bride–to-be and work out the budget. You choose your best and the ushers and organise their outfits as well as your own. You organise wedding day transport, buy the rings and book the honeymoon. You need to ensure that all bills are settled on the day and you will be making a speech at the reception – think about it beforehand and make some notes for guidance.
3. Chief Bridesmaid – she organises the hen night. She may help to choose the bride’s and attendants’ outfits and she will help the bride to get ready on the day. She organises the other attendants and arranges the train and veil before the bride walks up the aisle. She looks after the bride’s bouquet during the service and the signing of the register.
4. Best Man – organises the stag night and is responsible for getting the groom to church/venue on time. He helps to organise the men’s outfits and organises the ushers. He has charge of the ring and deals with paying fees on the day on the groom’s behalf. He toasts the reception and makes a speech – traditionally this tends to be humorous and/or risqué. He also takes charge of decorating the going-away car.
5. The Ushers – they need to discuss their duties with the families, the best man and the person performing the ceremony. They distribute buttonholes, greet guests, direct them to their seats and give out the order of service, hymn and prayer books as necessary. They shepherd guests for the photographer and make sure everyone knows how to reach the venue.
6. The Bride’s Parents – traditionally the hosts of the wedding although that is less common nowadays. The bride’s mother often co-ordinates the wedding arrangements and travels to the ceremony with the bridesmaids. The bride’s father, apart from funding some or most of the event, gives his daughter away at a church wedding, makes a speech at the reception and toasts the happy couple.

Most receptions have a seating plan. You may wish to sit relatives or friends together and the top table normally follows the pattern shown below: -

To avoid people becoming upset about where you seat them, round tables are a good option as is a buffet reception where guests can stand around and chat.

The other feature of the reception is the speeches. Some people dispense with them completely whilst others vary tradition with the bride saying a few words as well. The traditional order is that the bride’s father speaks first before toasting the bride and groom. The groom replies before toasting the bridesmaids and the best man then responds on their behalf before toasting the reception.

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